I asked the inspector how the hull plate was doing.
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She said it's thin-skinned.
Dry-Dock Days
Hulls, tanks and tight spaces before the undocking date. For Maritime and Navy. 14 jokes.
The undocking date arrived with inspection items still open.
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The yard said they'd have to float the idea of another week.
Why did the ship inspector bring a ladder into the empty dry dock?
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She had a lot of ground to cover, and most of it was straight up.
What does a hull plate say after a thickness survey?
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'Don't read too much into it.'
A dry dock is the one place where the ship is on dry land, the crew is deep in a tank, and the tide still keeps perfect time.
An ultrasonic thickness reading is good to a thousandth of an inch. The tide table is good to the minute.
You might be a ship inspector if...
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...your favorite sentence in the English language is 'The tank has been certified safe for entry.'
The inspector crawled into the ballast tank and started the thickness survey. By reading forty, every one said 0.312 inch. 'Remarkably consistent plate,' she told the radio. Then she looked down and found the chalk mark she'd made an hour earlier. She had been measuring the same spot.
The ship sat in dry dock, quite dry,
While inspectors checked low and checked high.
They said, 'All is fine!'
Then the date drew its line:
'Undocking is Monday. Goodbye.'
Dry Dock (n.): A place where the ship finally holds still and everyone else finally doesn't.
Undocking Date (n.): The one measurement on the project that was never taken with a gauge.
Ever notice that the tank you need to inspect first is always the one underneath every other tank you need to inspect?
Ever notice that a ship looks small from the pier and enormous once you're inside its tanks with a gauge and a deadline?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hull.
Hull who?
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Hull be here Friday, weather permitting.